Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
