Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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