Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
