I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
