bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize