Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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