Soap is not a condiment
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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