Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
