Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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