Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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