I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
