Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
