there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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