dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
