Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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