i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
