seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
