I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
