She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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