You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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