His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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