i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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