her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
