There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
