Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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