On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
