i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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