i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
