you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
