How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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