Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
