And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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