I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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