I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
