I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize