Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
