I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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