Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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