WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
