i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
