All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
