Already got asked if we're dating
Acid is not a monday night drug
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
