I want to stick my p in your. b.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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