The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
