Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Drunk is not a location!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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