you traded sex for a burrito?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
