Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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