yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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