I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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