We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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