How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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