I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize