420 ftw
if i can run in heels then i can drive
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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