can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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