I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
