oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
