just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
