my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
