textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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