so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
