yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His nipple licking is glorious
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