My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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