I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
