oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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