where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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