he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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