I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
