For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Of course I have a pirate flag
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize