It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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