Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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