Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
