So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
